“Give Me Another Ball”

I always had a great time with my father-in-law. Gene was someone who really knew how to have a good time. He wasn’t just a partier; he was the party! Give him thirty seconds, and he’d know the bartender’s or waitress’s name. Any pretty girl was instantly his friend, and they loved him for his quick smile and ready laugh. Nancy accused him of leading me astray more than once, and always blamed him for my affinity for Jack Daniel’s and a good Manhattan.

Gene and I spent quite a bit of time together at his vacation home on the Lake of the Ozarks. He loved boating, and we’d head out readily when the girls were shopping for a tour of the lake…and a stop at one or more of his favorite watering holes. His favorite restaurant, I think, was Klotze’s Oar House. It was a floating burger joint not far from his home, and the waitresses all wore bikinis. It was a natural hangout for him. He really enjoyed life.

I can only remember one time that I ever saw the man totally flustered. We only played golf together a few times, but I remember one particular hole very well. Neither of us was really any good, but we liked to get out and hack around. Tan-Ta-Ra is a well-known resort on the lake, and in the ’70s had one golf course. The terrain, naturally, was hilly and the out of bounds areas were mostly thick timber typical of the Ozarks—lots of undergrowth and poison ivy. The fairways were not that wide, so we knew we needed to take lots of cheap balls with us.

The hole I remember was a long, straight fairway, probably 350 yards or so, about 60 yards wide with the usual timber on both sides that made it look like a hallway. From the tee box we couldn’t see the flagstick, and I don’t remember if we had a map. It looked like the fairway just went straight into the woods at the other end. We teed off.

Eventually we reached the woods at the end of the fairway. Undoubtedly we both left a ball or two out of bounds before we got there. It turned out that the hole was laid out sort of like a golf club: straight shaft and a 90-degree angle to the green…on the other side of a small pond. I mean small. Maybe twenty yards across. Get to the end of the fairway; chip over the puddle onto the relatively forgiving green. I did. Gene missed and ended up in the water.

The lay up area was just the bank of the pond, about eight feet above the water. He put a ball down and swung. Hit it almost straight down. “Damn.” Reached into his bag and put down another ball. Hit it into the water. Again. And again. And again. And again. Emptied the bag. We had to quit.

I don’t even remember how many times he lined up that shot. I think he even put a few on a tee. Years later, several years after Gene died in a car crash on one of those twisting Ozark roads, I watched Kevin Costner in Tin Cup do about the same thing and exasperate Cheech Marin: “Give me another ball.” I fixed myself a Manhattan and toasted persistence, and the best father-in-law I could have ever had.

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Today’s Observation

Life is like golf.  It can be a walk in the park, but there are lots of traps and hazards and some dreaded bogeys; there are, however, occasional birdies to enjoy, and it’s always more fun when you can play with your friends.  DrDan 04/08/14

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“Rose”

New Life

warmed by

the sun’s Love

and watered by the tears of Heaven

ascends

the rod

with thorns

piercing

wood

like nails

through

flesh

to bloom

in the

Light

04/07/2014

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“Adages/Witticisms/Sayings”

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been posting adages/witticisms/questions to my Facebook “author page” (Facebook.com/danieljcoxauthor).  I decided I’d start posting here, as well, so here’s a “catch up” post.

You are the reflection in the mirror of my soul. DrDan 03/22/14

Find your passion. It will bring your greatest joy and your greatest pain, but you cannot know one without the other. DrDan 03/23/14

There are no blank pages in the book of your life, but the story becomes more interesting when you’re the one doing the writing.   DrDan 03/24/14

When you love, give it everything—heart, thought, deed. Otherwise, it’s just practice. DrDan 03/25/14

If someone else has to tell you the difference between Good and Evil, you have bigger problems. DrDan 03/26/14

“Just” is not the same as “Legal,” for too often laws are made by the unjust. DrDan 03/27/14

Let your good deeds be the tattoo you display to the world. DrDan 03/28/14

Truth is like mountain air: clear, clean, bright…and rare. DrDan 03/29/14

If the world is to end in fire, let me be the spark, not the tinder. DrDan 03/30/14

Common Sense is the thumb we keep in the dyke of our embarrassment. Too often we pull it out to take a drink. DrDan 03/31/14

When do you stop trying to climb the mountain? When you realize you’re climbing the wrong one. DrDan 04/01/14

Ever notice the route of the road up a mountain? What makes you think you can waltz straight to the top of yours? DrDan 04/02/14

I was going through some old papers and discovered this witticism I penned in June of 1967: “Absence makes the heart go wander.” DrDan 04/03/14

It’s better to be in Drive than Neutral. DrDan 04/04/14

Good leaders and good batteries are always in charge and always positive. DrDan 04/05/14

“Let it be.” Unless you want it to change. Then you have to get up and do something. DrDan 04/06/14

Boredom is the loss of wonder. Find the “new” in each moment. Find the child you were. DrDan 04/07/14

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“Aha!”

People who do not “create” often think artists are crazy. Poets, in particular, have often been accused through the ages of walking the earth on a slightly different plane. I think the difference between artists and the rest is merely that we (I happily accept that appellation) simply choose to look at the world intent on seeing every moment for its uniqueness. We constantly want to see what’s behind the closed doors—What is under the leaf or rock or on the other side of the moon? What color is loneliness? What is the taste of love? We question everything, even the questions.

Like little children we ask “Why?” and “How?” and, especially, “What if?” And we’re not content merely to watch the moment. We want to know how blowing one seed from a dandelion puff in my back yard in Omaha might affect starlight on a planet in Andromeda.

Our lives are metaphor. It’s the only way we can make sense of existence. Sometimes we take the same moment, the same event, and reflect on it one way—a poem or painting or analogy or dance or song—then turn it over or move around to another angle and start all over again. People who read our work or view it or listen scratch their heads and wonder themselves where we came up with that notion, and we hope that it makes them understand a little better, or at least a little more, about their own lives.

We look at the world in wonder. We look at the world and wonder. We wonder why everyone doesn’t.

Look around. See what’s new or look at something old and make it new. Find your artist.

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“Just Lucky, I Guess”

To say that I’ve taken some risks in my life is a major understatement. I used to drive my parents crazy with some of the stunts I’d pull. Yep…jumped off the garage roof with an umbrella “parachute.” That didn’t work any better than the bath towel cape. Tried to ride my bicycle around a car—ever seen a wheel moving down the road from underneath the vehicle? Climbed the highest tree in the park. Walked across the railroad trestle above the river. Swam across, too. Spelunked in a washout cave. Disappeared to Colorado for over a month with no money in my pocket. Hitchhiked halfway across the country.

The kinds of risks I’ve taken after entering “adulthood,” however, haven’t been nearly as death-defying as some of my youthful escapades. On the other hand, they’re even scarier for me. It seems like the more responsibilities I feel I have for others, the less I want to take risks in case it would harm them somehow. I guess that’s part of growing up.

One of the things that seems to be a constant for me, however, is that I’ve always known that I have people I can count on to help me out if I really get in serious trouble. That’s one of the “keep me awake at night” scary things about the last year after losing both my parents and my wife. They were the foundation on which I built every castle of dreams.

I haven’t stopped taking chances. I guess I’ve just had to find some other kinds of safety nets, fallback options, good advisors, etc. Actually, the more I think about it, I usually try to find people I know I can count on when I have tough decisions to make. The only times I’ve really been afraid for myself is when I’ve felt truly alone, done some stupid stunt all by myself. Even when my buddies and I pulled some hair-brained antic, at least I knew we’d end up in jail together, or sharing the same hospital room.

The same holds true, in a sense, for all sorts of major life choices. When I need or want to do something “big,” I feel good about it when people I trust are helping me. This is even the case for sales people and professional folk. I’ve found a doctor with whom I “click,” for instance. I like my insurance agent, the guys who service my car are fellows I’d go fishing with, I have friends I’d call day or night, there are bartenders (female J) and waitresses who make sure to give me hugs and know what I want to order, I met a real estate agent who could be my daughter. Any time I have people like that in my corner, I feel as if I’ve made the right decisions.

An old friend once told me, “You’re the only person I know who can fall in a bucket of sh*t and come out smelling like a rose.” I guess if I’m going to fall, I’d just as soon know that getting back up will be worth the effort. I’d still like to skip the falling down part.

Stay close. I’ll help you up.

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“Into the Dark”

The dark at the top of the stairs held every demon of the boy’s imagination. Eighteen steps to the banishing light. Why was the switch at the top? He couldn’t climb all the way up there by himself!

No matter where he was, the darkness followed. In the middle of the night the sounds of his fear were manifested and magnified by senses more refined than any slavering lion crouched behind the door, his panic more crushing than the coils of the largest snake biding its time beneath his bed. The deafening drums in his ears were an ogre’s heartbeat.

He didn’t know how they got there, into those cobwebbed nooks and crannies of his mind. In the daylight he conjured up the glowing bravery of superheroes and gallant soldiers, the stiff-backed defiance of warrior maidens pursued by dragons until they stood their ground and snuffed sulfurous flames with mere icy stares. Standing beside them he wielded his great sword of fearlessness sharpened on a harpy’s shrieks and a mirror shield polished with a Gorgon’s hair.

Why did only the villains of his fantasy seem to outlast the sun? Why didn’t the league of heroes with whom he spent glorious days come out of the pages of his books or from the nib of his pen to accompany him on the simplest mission—to be the first one up the stairs to simply turn on the light? The only thing worse than the humiliation he heaped upon himself for this fear was the derision from his younger brothers.

But they always waited to climb the stairs until after he turned on the light.

Up he ran with hair standing on his arms, blood racing, holding his breath.   Snap. Light! Anything there? No. Swallow your heart. Look down the stairs and…“You guys coming to bed or not? I’m tired.”

The dark at the top of the stairs no longer holds the same fears. Oh, there are still demons in the dark, but the darkness is a different Unknown and the demons are monsters of a very different ilk. No sword or shield of magic steel can offer any protection. The bravery it takes to face each day now is courage born of wisdom and experience and age, but it is still better not to face these fears alone. And laughter only comes from fools.

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“Hire the Best”

I was in Tarkio recently for another “work weekend” as some of us from the Tarkio College Alumni Association continue to restore Rankin Hall. The main floor is looking pretty good—better than it did in the early ’70s, I think. We haven’t really done much with the basement or the upper floor yet. Lots to do, very little funding to do it, so it’s “baby steps” and lots of sweat.

One of the rooms in the basement was originally the library, then the cafeteria, and, when I was there from 1968-1972, it was an art studio. Big room—about the size of those old, small town basketball courts—with a nice marble floor. The carpenters in the group have been using it for a workshop. Underneath the piles of sawdust was at least ten years of dust, including nails and screws and plaster, lots of dead crickets and other insects, and a desiccated mouse carcass or two.

My assignment for the day was to clean it up a bit. I spent a good three hours or more sorting through scrap, stacking what might be useful, taking the discards to the dumpster, and sweeping. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that kind of work, but I’ve written before that I “cut my teeth” on janitorial work with my grandfather when I was only five or six. A broom handle fits my hands just fine even though I’d rather not….

Upstairs there were people painting, staining, sorting, wiring, adjusting windows, and a myriad of other odd jobs. We’ve been at this for about two years now, I think, and we’re far from finished. Still two floors to go!

I got to thinking while I was moving dirt around that I spent some of my four years at TC doing the very job I was doing then. Forty-plus years after graduation and I’m right back where I was before. The first time I was doing it to help pay my way through to earn my degree. Now I do it because I did earn that degree (and two more), met some of my best and oldest friends as well as my wife, had a successful career, and basically feel like I owe it to the place.

The older we get, of course, the better the memories are. My alma mater is special to me. The others who keep showing up to put a new face on the old building, and the school, feel the same way. It’s worth it to us to do the work, dream the dream, build something new. It’s good to have those connections. I’m lucky in that I feel this way about several things in my life.

I told my friend Wayne that afternoon, “We should tell people that Tarkio College is so special that you have to have a PhD in order to sweep the floors.” I know I feel that way. Of course, I was told a long time ago that PhD stands for “piled higher and deeper.” The dirt in that basement room certainly was.

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“Life’s Illusions”

This was written on March 30, but I was away from my good WiFi connection and couldn’t get it posted.

One of my favorite short stories is Nathaniel Hawthorne’s fantasy, “Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment.” Unfortunately, unless you had an abusive American literature teacher with unrealistic expectations like I was, you’ve probably never read it (or maybe you said you did). This is the same guy who wrote The Scarlet Letter; remember him? That’s another classic work that means you have to think…and probably use a dictionary. The short story, though, has always been one of my favorites because of Hawthorne’s craft as a writer and the theme(s) of the story. It is tightly plotted; the vocabulary that stymies so many readers is stingy in its conciseness—every word helps move the plot along, creating mood, alluding to the backstories of the characters as well as relevant references to mythology and other Western source work, and tying everything together to reach the end. You should read it. I’ll wait. Here’s a link to the full text: (http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=HawHeid.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=1&division=div1)

For those of you without the time or inclination, let me tell you that a physician of somewhat ill repute (and rather sorcerous leanings) asks four old friends to join him one evening. He then explains that he has in his possession a decanter of water from the Fountain of Youth for which Ponce de Leon sought until his death in the Florida Everglades. They scoff at him, but he dips a withered rose into the water, and they are astonished when it returns to full bloom before their eyes. Naturally he convinces them to take part in an experiment—drink the water and see what happens. His hope is that these four will return to their youthfulness and then re-live their lives more appropriately than they did the first time around since they will surely have learned from their mistakes.

The three men and one woman are acquainted. All three men at one time or another had courted the lady. Together the four represent most of the Seven Deadly Sins in one way or another. They have known great successes only to be plunged into their dotage tainted by scandal as well as the decay of age. They drink. They seem to become younger. They drink again, and the full blush and vigor of youth returns to each one…they think.

Dr. Heidegger refuses to join in because he says that it was too much trouble to be young the first time around. He is the scientist, observing his guinea pigs. Of course, they become again the philandering, promiscuous, egocentric, greedy, conniving charlatans they were with the same schemes as before. When their frolic becomes combativeness as the men vie for the hand of the “fair maiden” once more, they accidentally knock the decanter off the table and spill the magic elixir. Almost as suddenly as their youth appeared, it begins to fade, and they start making plans to go seek the fountain for themselves.

It’s a hard thing to do—learn from your mistakes. Old age, you will discover, is essentially just the body aging. Ask most of us who have started to wilt, and we’ll tell you we still feel twenty-five until we try to bend over or “run” across the street. Oh, some of us have learned some caution and won’t climb up on a thirty-foot ladder or shinny up a tree until the branches start to bend. But the physical limitations don’t typically extend to prohibitions of dreams or desires or hopes for the future. In fact, the future is still something far away. The castles we want to build in the air are not only possible, but we now have the skill and the means to put foundations under them; sometimes we can even afford to hire someone else to do the work.

Then we are reminded, rather cruelly at times, that the sun is not rising on those castle walls, but setting. If we are able to get the palace built, more than likely someone else will actually live there. In our moments of lucid nobility, we keep building so that our children or their children will be able to start a little farther up the mountain than we did. In our moments of honesty with ourselves, we’re so pissed off by this reality that we can hardly see straight! We want “fair.”

We worked hard. We played by the rules (OK, most of the time). We paid our dues. Our rewards shouldn’t be artificial joints, shortness of breath, insurance premiums, and loneliness. Music still moves us. Life is still sweet most of the time. We still want to matter in the grand scheme of things and make a difference. Lovers’ arms hold more than memories and kisses have more character, like aged wine. We know, now, how to appreciate what is truly good about living.

And that suddenly loud ticking is the clock we hear even with significant hearing loss, counting quick seconds to the stroke of midnight.

Can I get a direct flight to Florida or do I have to change planes in Atlanta?

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“Give It All”

April is National Poetry Month.  So….

 

“Give It All”

You know it’s right there

if you reach out your hand

the dream is so real and

it’s all you can feel

then you find out it’s a castle of sand

 

When you’ve given it all and

what you’ve hoped for can’t be found

when you’ve given it all and it’s

there on the ground in a million little pieces

then this time around

 

All you can give is all you can give

but sometimes it isn’t enough

so pick up the pieces–there will be a new day–

’cause when all you can give simply isn’t enough

you just have to walk away.

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